Don't play too much golf

Golf Quotes

Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon

One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens. ~Pete Alfano


Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine. ~Jim Murray

Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable. ~A.P. Herbert, Misleading Cases, 1935


All I've got against it is that it takes you so far from the clubhouse. ~Eric Linklater, Poet's Pub, 1929


Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit? ~George Archer

A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do. ~Osbert Sitwell

If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. ~National Lampoon, 1979


If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina. ~H.L. Mencken


It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling. ~Mark Twain

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit

Golf Quotes

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~Author Unknown

I've spent most of my life golfing - the rest I've just wasted. ~Author Unknown

I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart. ~Brent Musburger

In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base. ~Ken Harrelson

Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective. ~Huxtable Pippey

Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom. ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1967

Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks - No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard's excellent Tennis for Beginners. ~Henry Beard, Golfing, 1985

If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course? ~Larry Nelson

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass. ~Bob Hope


A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water. ~Bob Ryan


Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course. ~Lee Trevino

If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head. ~Harry Vardon